From students:

Dear Jay Asher,
The unique way that your book, Thirteen Reasons Why, deals with depression and suicide has affected me enormously. I myself have never had depression but I have had many indirect encounters with it, and you have helped me handle it all better.
As an eight-year old child I began religious school. In my class I became friends with a girl named Jaclyn, but more important, in terms of your book, was her sister Elyssa. Jaclyn’s older sister Elyssa was a helper in my religious school class. To me she always appeared to be happy; smiling as bright as the sun, and helping us draw pictures. One day when I came home from school and my mom told me that ‘Elyssa had died by suicide.’ What was suicide? I had no idea. My mom explained to me that suicide was when somebody kills himself or herself. I was terrified. I found out then, and I still believe now, that suicide is more terrible than murder. I was hysterical. That is the only way to describe it. I was hysterical and confused. What had happened to the smiling 16-year-old who was coloring next to me in class just a day before? Could this happen to anybody? Would I end up in such a horrific position in my life where I would choose to end it all?
At age 8, suicide is not an easy thing to deal with or even to understand. Admittedly, it’s not a whole lot easier at age 13. There was one thing that really helped me understand how a person could truly become so sad, and that was your book. The fact that the perspective of the book is through the eyes of the girl, Hannah, who died from suicide and struggled with depression helped me to understand the mind of someone struggling with depression a little bit more. Since that awful day in third grade, I have had six other encounters with depression. My cousin has depression and ran away, one of my best friends has tried to take her own life, and four of my close friends struggle with depression as well. It may seem very difficult to deal with, but your book helps a lot. I have learned to be very careful about what you say and do in relation to these people. I learned this because there were 13 people who contributed to Hannah’s sadness and ultimately her death. Though many of these people were doing obviously terrible things some of them had no idea what they were doing, for example, the teacher/guidance counselor of Hannah, Mr. Porter. She relied on him to save her, to say the perfect thing that would show maybe, just maybe, somebody cared enough to keep her alive. This showed me how people who are depressed depend upon every word that you say to them. I have learned not to grow impatient with the increasing problems of those who cannot help it, because the best thing to do is always let them know how much they mean to you. I also learned from the part in the book where Clay realizes, through learning Hannah’s thoughts and signs, that Sky is also depressed. I learned by reading your book, what the signs of depression are. I suddenly realized that one of my good friends was depressed and I went with her to get help. I was very grateful I had read your book because it helped me to help her through such a difficult time.
You have left me changed. With my new knowledge about the inner workings of those with depression, I have learned how to help my loved ones. Maybe, hopefully, by reading your book I have convinced someone to save their own life.
- A Changed Reader,
Rachel

"...Are you anorexic? the girl blurted out. I had no idea if she was addressing me, Hilary or the other friend. I stared at her in disbelief, shocked that those words would come out of someone's mouth. It was silent for about five seconds until Hilary's other friend immediately changed the subject and both girls said goodbye and walked away. My cousin and I never discussed that incident again and somehow the image of the girl's eyes scanning my body, looking for some kind of deformity, forever remains in my brain."
Read Allana's entire story (PDF)

Hey There,
I just wanted to share my own story- after stumbling across your website and crying because of its realness, I decided that I had to speak up.

I feel guilty telling my story. I feel guilty because I have been given every single advantage in life. My family is so supportive, wonderful, and loving. Not perfect, but wonderful nonetheless. We don't struggle financially as much as others do. I lived in Winnetka throughout high school, where I received a wonderful education that propelled me towards college.
But despite these amazing privileges, nothing felt right. My father has serious, untreatable depression, resulting in hospitalization and insomnia. My younger brother started struggling with depression at a very young age, constantly crying and feeling no pleasure before he was helped by antidepressants. I never thought that I could feel the same way.
It began gradually. It began with a complete and utter loss of self-confidence and self-esteem. When I was thirteen, I began restricting my food. I hid the problem, even from myself, by just claiming to want to lose weight "to look” good in my eighth grade graduation dress". It spiraled. I lost so much weight that, during an annual physical at the end of the summer, my doctor decided that weekly weigh-ins were necessary.
When I was sixteen, I was at an all-time low. I was in a relationship with a boy who decided to take advantage of the situation and cheat on me five times throughout the course of our fourteen month relationship. I was too depressed to consider breaking things off; he was my everything. So I let it happen.
The first time he cheated was the first time I was able to successfully purge. I remember eating the spaghetti and salad that my mom had made for dinner. I remember going upstairs to the bathroom that my brother and I shared. And I remember the desperation, the intensity, the drive, the purpose. I remember everything.
After that night, I began to purge every day. Multiple times every day. My parents had no idea; to them, I was still the same old Susan. The same little girl that they once knew.
It got to the point where I was experiencing heart palpitations, fainting episodes, and seizures. My boyfriend told the New Trier Counseling Center, who promised me confidentiality, but called my parents immediately. Although looking back I am grateful for the intervention, at the time it seemed like a betrayal of trust. I vowed never to talk about my feelings or problems again.
My parents decided that the situation had progressed to the point where I needed to enter a treatment facility out of state. I learned to speak about my feelings and what was going on. It was there that I received a diagnosis of depression for the first time. The experience in a treatment center was painful. Recovery is terrifyingly hard. Every day is a battle. I was in treatment for about two months during my senior year in high school.
When I graduated with honors from New Trier with a GPA of over 4.5, I went on to college while focusing on maintaining my recovery. During my freshman year, I was raped by a popular football player. The only way I could cope with it was to fall back on my eating disorder.
I've learned that recovery from an eating disorder takes more than determination and bravery. It takes constant social support and work. It takes tears. It takes talking about the things that scare you the most. And it takes time.
Depression is so intertwined with my eating disorder that sometimes I can't tell the difference. I fight battles in my head all day long. It seems like an endless, constant fight against the depression and the eating disorder, which constantly try to tear me down. It has taken me a long time to learn that voicing my feelings is not shameful or embarrassing or a burden to other people. Instead, it is what makes us human.
I feel as though I've come out on the other side. I am confident, strong, and beautiful just the way I am. Through a combination of psychiatric medications, social support, therapy, treatment, and talking to my family and friends, I feel like I am in a better place. I've been in recovery from my eating disorder for over a year. I work with professionals, maintaining a dialogue about my safety and the efficacy of my medicines. Recovery means progress, not perfection. There will be bumps in the road. But I feel better equipped to deal with them, knowing that I have so many people that care about me.

That's really it. I think that's the story. I purposefully left out many details of the eating disorder (especially numbers) because I would never want to trigger someone or cause unhealthy comparisons between disorders.
I attended New Trier with Elyssa. We never interacted, but she influenced us all with her story. My thoughts and prayers are with her family and friends. She touched so many hearts, and will never be forgotten, even by those who never knew her personally.
- Anonymous

CAROL'S EXPERIENCE
When I was 14, one of my close friends from middle school began molesting me. He would come to my house - under the guise of doing our homework together - throw my books across the bedroom, lock me down in compromising positions and destroy my self worth. This went on regularly for the next year and a half. During that time, I felt frozen and trapped, unaware of what exactly was going on. I didn't know the term molestation or sexual abuse yet. I thought maybe I was being crazy and dramatic. I would tell a few friends and they would agree that is was not right – but how many 9th or 10th graders are equipped to know how to handle this sort of mess? Then, I was sitting in health class in the fall semester of 10th grade. We had a guest speaker giving a presentation on sexual abuse. When she described what I was experiencing, named it, validated my experience as real, I left class crying. It took years of therapy. I thought I was healed, so to speak, but in retrospect, I covered my pain by hooking up with guys because emotional connections seemed scary to me. I realized that the pain of being sexually abused was not healed after the end of high school, but only buried deep. Ultimately, it was through talking about it - sharing my story, and reminding myself that it was not my fault, that I found peace and acceptance and an ability to move on with my life.
- Carol

"The issue of suicide is one that isn't really covered in school or anywhere else for that matter. I'm glad that I know what warning signs to look for in the future and will be prepared to prevent the loss of a life."
- Eighth grader from Old St. Patrick's Church Youth Group, Chicago, IL

"Just today, a speaker from Elyssa's Mission came to my health class. I hadn't thought much about the class beforehand. Walking out of that room after only a fifty-minute presentation, I am still processing everything that was taught to me. I have experienced two suicides, and I had never really understood what caused them. I'm a very emotional person, but I didn't think the presentation would affect me like it did. It really taught me a lot more about suicide and what it really can take to get to that breaking point. Coming to my school today and talking to different classes of young adults really helps. If it didn't affect everyone (which I am sure it did), I'd just like to put it out there and let you know that it affected me. You are making such a difference doing what you are doing, and I just wanted to show my gratitude and appreciation."
- Sophomore at Glenbrook South High School, Glenview, IL

"...I believe that Elyssa in no way passed away in vain. Out of her passing you came and not only have you helped me to develop my faith, but I guarantee you that if you can get a 16 year old boy to write a letter who struggles to turn in English papers on time, then there were a lot more people in the class that you made an impact on as well. I want to thank you very much for helping me to understand what I could not before, and I hope that your cause continues with the level of ambition that Elyssa led her life with."
- Junior from New Trier High School, Winnetka, IL

"Thank you so much for coming and speaking to our class. I really think you made a difference by speaking to our class. A lot of people can see how important this topic (suicide prevention) is and what it can do to others left behind. I bet this is hard for you, but your work and time are helping others."
- Junior from Wheeling High School, Wheeling, IL

From Other Visitors to Elyssa's Mission website:

"I read the article on teen suicide in the Chicago Tribune with great interest. I am also a recent New Trier graduate who has suffered from depression. I currently work for a large investment bank, and after many, many years I finally feel I have my depression under control. I feel very lucky that I am here to write this, and I realize the gravity of this problem. My heart dropped when I read Debra Larrea saying that she "is amazed by the number of young junior boys, athletic boys, who come in after and tell me they are depressed." That was definitely me. I was an Academic-All Big East sportsman at a major East coast university. I played basketball, baseball, and golf at New Trier, but I could not shake the depression. The depression hit me the hardest in college, and I am so glad to hear you are speaking to high school students. I actually think you might even need to start younger. I think you are doing a marvelous job, and you are servicing a growing problem at an extremely important time of life."
- The writer asked to be anonymous, Chicago, IL

From parents:

"My daughter's experience with the DreamWalk program has been nothing short of extraordinary. She entered the program reluctantly. She's been going through a very tough time this year, and the last thing she wanted was to spend her Sunday evenings getting personal with a group of girls she barely knew. Five weeks into the program, however, I began to notice a real change in her attitude about herself and the world around her. She is generally a more patient, more positive, much happier girl than she was when the program began...The other day she offered an unsolicited comment to me in the car: 'Mom, I'm really glad I'm going to DreamWalk!' Notice she did not say: 'I'm really glad you made me go to DreamWalk!' She's taken ownership of the entire deal, and it most definitely is making a positive impact on her outlook and on her life."
- From a parent of a teenager enrolled in DreamWalk, a program offered by Elyssa's Mission

"I finally found a few minutes when I could view and reflect on Elyssa's Mission undisturbed. And then I had to wait several hours for my heart to stop feeling like it was breaking before I could write to you. Beautiful poetry, a beautiful girl, and sad, sad pain. My husband is teaching high school English. We occasionally have discussions about his concern about a student's writing. Always, always, always, he brings concerning messages to the attention of the school counselors, and depending on the situation, the parents. Calling attention to a student's 'private' writing is sometimes hard especially for newer teachers to do. Elyssa's Mission web site will help uncertain teachers have the courage to get past the fear they will be seen as over-reacting and do what they need to do."
- Carole France, Seattle, Washington

"A short cut to Elyssa's Mission website was sent to me by a friend. Our beloved son completed his own life in January 2002. He was 26, married with a nine-year old stepson. The consequences and the pain continue. Anything that can be done to give our young people a sense of their own value, to boost their self esteem and, most especially, to give them strategies for coping with life's 'slings and arrows' should be encouraged at every level and every age. What Elyssa's Mission is doing is so very worthwhile - may your work long continue."
- Mary Clark, Cumbria, England

"...What a wonderful organization that touches precisely on the topics that we have long not wanted to talk about. You know, whenever I think of Elyssa, she always has that beautiful smile on her face. I believe that she knows that her life would be a beacon of light for so many other kids who are looking to hold someone's hand through many of the difficult junctures we meet in life."
- Elena Saclarides, Northfield, Illinois

From educators:

"Thank you for speaking with several of our classes. Your message of depression awareness and suicide prevention is important, and we are pleased to support your cause."
- Nancy Betker, LCSW, Hinsdale South High School, Darien, IL

"Thank you for coming to St. Mary Church to talk to our teens. They came in thinking they knew it all, and left having learned much. We look forward to hearing more from you in the months and years to come."
- Sarah Jarzembowski, Youth Ministry Director, St. Mary Catholic Church, Mokena, IL

"Thank you so very much for your heartfelt words to the students of Glenbard West. Our students and staff were moved and enlightened by your remarks. What an important message for our student body. Your organization is truly making a difference. Thank you for all you do."
- Gilda Ross, Special Projects Counselor, Glenbard West High School, Glen Ellyn, IL

"I just wanted to say thank you again for being here this weekend to present Elyssa's Mission to the Old St. Pat's teens. I have received many positive responses from parents. I thought that everything worked out very well. Thanks for all that Carol, Joanne, Ellen and Katie do. We appreciate it!"
- Becky Terlep, Coordinator of Youth Ministry, Old St. Patrick's Church, Chicago, IL

"Thank you for coming to the Choir Academy to speak with the seventh and eighth graders. Your presentation was powerful and effective. I heard from many students that they appreciated the information and resources you provided. I hope that Elyssa's Mission continues to positively impact lives."
- Bethany Basinger, Counselor, Choir Academy, Chicago, IL

"Thank you for coming to Loyola Academy to present on the topic of suicide prevention. Your words were well received by our students and, as a result, many days of discussion followed."
- Susan Close, Guidance Counselor, Loyola Academy, Wilmette, IL

"Thank you for joining us last week with your moving presentation (on suicide prevention). Thank you so much for sharing your story with us here at Deer Path Middle School. As both a parent and teacher, I was touched by your message. I applaud your courage and dedication to this important mission Elyssa has left you and your family with. I am confident that the student body was equally impacted."
- Sally Willis, Health Teacher, Deer Path Middle School, Lake Forest, IL

"The impact your presentation (on suicide prevention) had on our students was great. You engaged the kids in a non-threatening manner which allowed them to feel safe and learn about this important topic. Thank you also for your suggestions on how to better prepare not only the kids but their families as well for discussing suicide prevention."
- Michelle Scheinkopf, head of health curriculum, Glenbrook South High School, Glenview, IL

SEE HELP RESOURCES for people and organizations that are can support teens and families with specialized needs.