For Parents
Most teens who complete or attempt suicide have given some type of warning to loved ones ahead of time. It’s important for parents to know the warning signs so that kids who might be suicidal can get the help they need.
If your child gives signs that they may be considering suicide:
- Remain calm
- Ask them directly if he/she is thinking about suicide (e.g., “I’ve noticed that you’ve been talking a lot about wanting to be dead. Have you been having thoughts about trying to kill yourself?)
- Focus on your concern for their well-being and avoid being accusatory
- Listen
- Reassure them that there is help and they will not feel like this forever
- Do not judge
- Provide constant supervision. Don’t leave them alone
- Remove means for self-harm
- Get help: seek help from school or community mental health resources as soon as possible (remember, if there is an imminent threat, call 911 or take your child to the nearest ER)
Be aware of the following “suicide signals” from your child:
- Complaints of being a bad person or feeling “rotten inside”
- Gives verbal hints such as “I won’t be a problem for you much longer,” “Nothing matters,” “It’s no use,” and “I won’t see you again”
- Puts her affairs in order; for example, gives away favorite material possessions, cleans her room, throws away important belongings, etc.
- Becomes suddenly cheerful after a period of depression
- Shows signs of psychosis (hallucinations or bizarre thoughts)
- Shows little interest in the future
- Acts in rash, hostile ways; often expresses rage
Source: “A Family Guide to Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy and Drug Free” SAMHSA. For more information go to www.samhsa.gov.
Be aware of the factors that increase the risk of suicide among teens:
- A psychological disorder, especially depression, bipolar disorder, and alcohol and drug use (in fact, approximately 95% of people who die by suicide have a psychological disorder at the time of death)
- Feelings of distress, irritability, or agitation
- Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness that often accompany depression (a teen, for example, who experiences repeated failures at school, who is overwhelmed by violence at home, or who is isolated from peers is likely to experience such feelings)
- A previous suicide attempt
- A family history of depression or suicide (depressive illnesses may have a genetic component, so some teens may be predisposed to suffer major depression)
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Lack of a support network, poor relationships with parents or peers, and feelings of social isolation
- Dealing with homosexuality in an unsupportive family or community or hostile school environment
Watch and Listen
- Keep a close eye on a teen who seems depressed and withdrawn. Poor grades, for example, may signal that your teen is withdrawing at school.
- It’s important to keep the lines of communication open and express your concern, support, and love. If your teen confides in you, show that you take those concerns seriously. A fight with a friend might not seem like a big deal to you in the larger scheme of things, but for a teen it can feel immense and consuming.
- It’s important not to minimize or discount what your teen is going through, as this can increase his or her sense of hopelessness.
- If your teen doesn’t feel comfortable talking with you, suggest a more neutral person, such as another relative, a clergy member, a coach, a school counselor, or your child’s doctor.
Ask Questions
Some parents are reluctant to ask teens if they have been thinking about suicide or hurting themselves. Some fear that by asking, they will plant the idea of suicide in their teen’s head. It’s always a good idea to ask, even though doing so can be difficult.
Sometimes it helps to explain why you’re asking. For instance, you might say: “I’ve noticed that you’ve been talking a lot about wanting to be dead. Have you been having thoughts about trying to kill yourself?”
Get Help
If you learn that your child is thinking about suicide, get help immediately. Your doctor can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist, or your local hospital’s department of psychiatry can provide a list of doctors in your area. Your local mental health association or county medical society can also provide references. In an emergency, you can call (800) SUICIDE or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255), available 24/7.
If your teen is in a crisis situation, your local emergency room can conduct a comprehensive psychiatric evaluation and refer you to the appropriate resources. If you’re unsure about whether you should bring your child to the emergency room, contact your doctor or call (800) SUICIDE for help.
If you’ve scheduled an appointment with a mental health professional, make sure to keep the appointment, even if your teen says he or she is feeling better. Suicidal thoughts do tend to come and go; however, it is important that your teen get help developing the skills necessary to decrease the likelihood that suicidal thoughts and behaviors will emerge again if a crisis arises.
If your teen refuses to go to the appointment, discuss this with the mental health professional and consider attending the session and working with the clinician to make sure your teen has access to the help needed. The clinician might also be able to help you devise strategies to help your teen want to get help.
Remember that any ongoing conflicts between a parent and child can fuel the fire for a teen who is feeling isolated, misunderstood, devalued, or suicidal. Get help to air family problems and resolve them in a constructive way. Also let the mental health professional know if there is a history of depression, substance abuse, family violence, or other stresses at home, such as an ongoing environment of criticism.
Source: http://kidshealth.org
You are using parental monitoring when you ask your teen:
- Where will you be?
- Whom will you be with?
- When will you be home?
You are also monitoring when you:
- Check in with your teen by phone
- Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents
- Talk with you teen about how they spend their time and whether or not they are making safe choices
- Set and enforce rules for your teen’s behavior by clearly explaining the rules and consequences as well as following through with the appropriate consequences when rules are broken
Monitoring should start in early childhood and continue through the teen years, evolving as children grow.
Consistent monitoring through the teen years is critical as teens’ desire for independence can bring opportunities for unhealthy or unsafe behaviors.
Does parental monitoring make a difference?
- Research shows that teens whose parents use effective monitoring practices are less likely to make poor decisions, such as having sex at an early age, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, being physically aggressive or skipping school (many of which are risk factors for suicide).
- Research shows that teens who believe their parents disapprove of risky behaviors are less likely to choose those behaviors; thus, clear communication about your expectations is essential!
What can parents do to monitor their teens effectively?
- Talk with your teen about your rules and expectations, and explain the consequences for breaking the rules
- If your teen breaks a rule, enforce the consequences fairly and consistently
- Talk and listen to your teen often about how he/she feels and what he/she is thinking (ongoing, daily dialogue is important to establish; leaving it to times of crisis can ostracize young people, and make it more challenging/awkward for you as a parent)
- Talk with your teen about plans he/she has with friends, what he/she is doing after school, and where he/she will be going
- Set expectations for when your teen will come home, and expect a call if he/she is going to be late
- Ask whether an adult will be present when your teen is going to a friend’s house
- Get to know your teen’s boyfriend or girlfriend
- Get to know the parents of your teen’s friends
- Talk with your relatives, your neighbors, your teen’s teachers and other adults who know your teen. Ask them to share what they observe about your teen’s behaviors, moods, or friends
- Watch how your teen spends money
- Pay attention to your teen’s mood and behavior at home, and discuss any concerns you might have
- Keep track of how your teen spends time online, and talk about using the Internet safely
- Make sure your teen knows how to contact you at all times
- Monitor your teen’s school work, particularly writing assignments that might reveal concerning behaviors, thoughts or intentions
Taken from the CDC on-line website: www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/adolescenthealth/monitoring.htm
Definition of Cyberbullying: The use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. By definition, it occurs among young people.
Taken from: www.kidshealth.org
What it may look like:
- Sending mean messages or threats to a person’s email account or cell phone
- Spreading rumors online or through texts
- Posting hurtful or threatening messages on social networking sites or web pages
- Stealing a person’s account information to break into their account and send damaging messages
- Pretending to be someone else online to hurt another person
- Taking unflattering pictures of a person and spreading them through cell phones or the internet
- Sexting, or circulating sexually suggestive pictures or messages about a person
Cyberbullying can lead to: anxiety, depression, and even suicide among teens.
What parents and teens can do to reduce cyberbullying:
- Talk to teens about cyberbullying. Make a rule that teens may not send mean or damaging messages, or suggestive pictures or messages.
- Encourage teens to tell an adult if cyberbullying is occurring. Tell them if they are the victims they will not be punished, and reassure them that being bullied is not their fault.
- Tell teens to keep cyberbullying messages as proof or evidence that it’s occurring.
- Parents may want to inform the school and/or the police if messages are threatening or sexual in nature.
- Try blocking the person sending the messages.
- You could also change your phone number or email address.
- Tell your teen to never share their password with anyone except a parent.
- Remind teens that they should avoid sharing anything online or through text that they would not want to be made public.
- Reminder: The person you’re talking to in messages or online may not be who you think they are and your messages may not be secure.
- Encourage your teen to never share personal information online or to meet someone they only know online.
- Keep the computer in a shared space, like the family room, and do not allow your teen to have internet access in their own room.
- Encourage your teen to have times when they turn off the technology, such as at family meals or after a certain time.
- You may consider waiting until high school to allow your teen to have their own email or cell phone accounts, and even then you should maintain access to these accounts.
Taken from: www.bullyingstatistics.org and i-SAFE Foundation
Click here for more information on bullying www.stopbullying.gov
Click here to read the SMH Parent Newsletter from the Signs of Suicide Program (pdf)
Click here to read the SMH Parent Newsletter, What Parents Can Do To Best Support A Child’s College (pdf)
Click here to learn the Myths & Facts about Depression and Suicide
